SWMoT Seeks Cherry Poppin’ Daddy
As I was driving the ol’ mommy-van into work today, thinking about sex (my brain is male like that, plus the seat warmers were on so it was inevitable), it occurred to me that it’s no coincidence I lost my virginity shortly after I got my driver’s license. From there my mind wandered to thinking about how sex really is a lot like driving. Sometimes it’s a long leisurely road trip with lots of scenic stops along the way, sometimes it’s my own personal dear-gawd-I-have-to-get-there-and-I-don’t-have-much-time Nascar race. I’m not going to go into how every partner is like a different car, because I really, really don’t want to have to tell the Ford Pinto story.
From there my mind considered the hotly contested debate about how many months one has to hold out in order to reclaim one’s virginity. If you haven’t had it for a while, do you get rusty? Or is sex really like riding a bicycle? I hope not, because with the state my knees are in, I can’t even get in a full pedal rotation. Does that mean I’m destined for the sexual equivalent of a scooter?
A little self-pity began creeping into my brain, but I put my foot down. Dammit, I may be middle-aged, or I may be over-the-hill (depends on whether I live to be 90 or 100), but there are still so many ways in which I remain a virgin, and I need to get movin’ on poppin’ my proverbial cherry on a couple of them. And the list is long. For example, I done IT with:
- A bald man
- A tattoo-sportin’ man
- A man younger than I (Oops! There was that one time. At Band Camp.)
- A man who thinks Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together” may be his most beloved song. Ever.
- A man willing to plays the part of a Conquistador to discover the New World that is me
- A man obsessed with finding Sasquatch
- A man sporting a skullcap
- Or a Floridian, for that matter.
Goodness there are still a lot of things to accomplish in this life! Now, who wants to help me get started?
Loading...
May 21st, 2010 at 5:28 AM
You are so cherry. I have not had sex on May 21, 2010. I guess I need my May 21st cherry popped.
May 21st, 2010 at 10:56 AM
Mike, Mike, Mike. I guess you are what they call “prolific.” Maybe you’re getting enough for both of us. Hmmmm. Yeah, I don’t think that’s possible. One can dream, Hon. One can dream.
May 21st, 2010 at 12:39 PM
Oh, I do not think it is possible that I am getting enough sex for the both of us. I do not get enough for me. If I did, I would gladly share it.
I could could go on and on about the woman who could take my “virginity”, but I will name a few:
1. An older woman (I would prefer an older lady, but beggars can not be choosers)
2. A taller woman
3. A bartender
4. A barista (This would be great because I hope she would make me a good cup o joe some fancy drink afterwards. To make it even better maybe she could make my coffee without any clothes on. “Mike wake up and quit dreaming at your desk”)
5. I have also never had sex with a Floridian, but the sex in Florida was fun.
May 21st, 2010 at 1:12 PM
If 1977 is a reference to your year of birth, than I satisfy #1. If by “taller” you mean my height disqualifies me from getting a special parking permit, then I satisfy #2. If by bartender, you mean someone who knows how to make ‘em stiff. Yep, got #3 covered. And yes, I can make Joe. Naked Joe always satisfies more.
May 21st, 2010 at 1:17 PM
It sounds like we have a date. I can be your conquistador and no one is really from Florida anyway, so as of today I am now a Floridian.
May 23rd, 2010 at 9:46 AM
Awesome! My ego needed a date before the weekend was out. Thanks, Love.