Mommy is Dating

Challenge 24: Be A Tease

–noun

 Not that this is at all relevant to the topic at hand, but isn’t it sort of “Dictionary 101” that you don’t use the word you’re defining to define the word you’re defining?

In place of the word “tease” above, insert the verb definition below.

–verb (used without object)

So, we have: “A person who provokes or disturbs a person or animal by importunity or persistent petty annoyances.”

Let the record stand: I don’t do animals. Well, not the four-legged variety anyway. If he’s an animal, RAWR. That’s a different story entirely. I also prefer to think that if I called up my hot honey and said, “Lunch plans? How about me at 11:45?” that would not be considered a petty annoyance.

Challenge 24: Share a Fantasy

Just a guess, but I’m thinking @Mominatrix doesn’t intend for me to share something like: My kids eat their vegetables and never whine again. This may come as a surprise, but my fantasy is pretty mundane: A private beach in the tropics. Catching warmth on our sun-kissed bodies. Wild, hot, sweaty sex, followed by a quick dip in the warm, clear-blue ocean. Falling asleep in a gently swinging hammock.

Nothing wild and crazy. No mystery tryst in an alley during Carnival in Rio de Janeiro. No George Clooney burying his face in my breasts. No Oreo-cookie ménage-a-trois with Denzel Washington and Halle Barry.

Hmmm. Actually, maybe I give this a little more mindshare than I realize.

Challenge 25: Get Dolled Up

I work outside the home and in a professional office. Not a brothel, but a real professional office, with secretaries and departments like “Central Support Services.” I mean, I have my own admin who does virtually nothing for me except deliver my junk mail. I’m sure it’s nowhere near as glamorous as @MadFashionista’s job, but the point is that every morning, five days a week, I have to get up, shower, shave, slather myself with moisturizer, style the hair, paint on the make-up and generally attempt to make myself look presentable. In fact, getting dolled up to go to work where the men are, without fail, unappealing on every level, is a little like getting lubed to go see the gyno. You have to do it, but it’s seriously tedious. Nonetheless, being the good girl that I am, I took the extra measure of ironing my hair. Then I attached a pull-string to my back, thinking that in true doll-like fashion my boss could pull it, I’d bend at the waste, grab my ankles and say, “Please sir, may I have another?”

Having defeated Challenges 23-25, I’m really looking forward to Challenge 26: Masturbate. I know how to get my hands on some of that.